UPDATE: Anthony Albanese has since apologised for the comments. But let’s revist what led to the apology and, hopefully, learn something in the process. Shall we?
On a list of things I do not need to know about, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s sexual proclivity sits somewhere between the story of my conception and how Diet Coke is really made.
Alas, I must be due for some particularly icky karma, as the answer to one of those questions is now seared forever (and ever) into my consciousness.
So, it turns out that Albo wants to shtup Kyle Minogue if ever given the chance. Yes, Albo. Newly married Albo no less.
How do I know? Well, the nightmare began last Friday, when Albo decided to front Nova’s Bush Deep podcast, hosted by Nikki Osborne, to answer a string of infantile questions, one in particular which has left many with a bad taste in their mouths.
Much like a cheap meal, the gravity of the interview has taken this writer several days to digest. Even now, the reflux is still gurgling away.
Let’s get one thing straight – this isn’t a political takedown, and I’ve no intention of wading into that particular dragon’s den. This is about something far less partisan: knowing the steps to the media dance, and, more crucially, knowing when to decline the invitation altogether.
Albo on the Bush Deep podcast.
And, action!
After beginning the podcast – a performative pantomime of amateur proportions – Osborne and Albo settled in for a round of shag, marry or date – truly, the crown jewel of Australian cultural discourse.
“Kylie Minogue, Nicole Kidman or Rhonda Burchmore?” Osborne asked.
To his credit, Albo did at first attempt the diplomatic dodge. “I’ve just got married, I’m only six months in…”
Osborne wasn’t having it. “But if it goes t*ts up?” Indeed. We do love a girls’ girl.
“Kylie, clearly,” he said. No pause this time.
“You’d marry Kylie? And shag her? And date her?” Osborne pressed.
“All of the above,” Albo confirmed, with a little giggle for good measure.
“She’s terrific.”
Six months married. Terrific, apparently, is the operative word.
No doubt, along with “where can one get a prescription for Propofol”, you are asking “Why do we need to know this?” Well, you don’t. No one did.
Especially not Jodie Haydon, Albo’s perfectly glamorous wife.
Let’s go viral
We know it well – TV shows, podcasts, Instagram desperately trying to fling themselves onto that freight train of cultural relevance. Some are successful and stick the landing. Many are not. Case in point.
The push and shove by brands to prove their virality (or, in Albo’s case, virility) tends to produce the exact opposite effect. Audiences can sniff out a staged moment from a mile off. Pre-emptive strikes don’t work. We don’t need the games – we need the real translated into the reel, as untouched as possible.
Stop trying to make fetch happen.
Oh, but I can hear the objections: Don’t be such a prude! Come on, it’s just a bit of fun!
Only, It’s not. Not really. If we peel away the hierarchical layers, what we’re left with is an image of a 63-year-old newly married man telling the world who he’d like to have sex with.
7NEWS Political Editor Mark Riley said it best when discussing why politicians venture into the social media swampland: “They do podcasts to be like the cool kids. ”
Well, at least that’s another ick we can all collectively add to our lists.
